To let you know what living as an Empowered Empath is like, I want to give you a bit of background, a “before” if you like, where I was at, before my own transformation.
My parents were emotionally unavailable. They were good people yet they had been taught to be a certain way by their parents. My grandparents and my parents were from generations where emotions were just something to be avoided at all costs. They were uncomfortable and best kept hidden.
Love and affection were not demonstrated and being told to “pull yourself together” or “stop it” were the standard response to upset. And this is so harsh isn’t it as a sensitive and emotional Empath?
I thought there was something wrong with me. To the point that I believed other people didn’t have these emotions, they were something I had that made me faulty. Not only this, I had something within me that greatly upset my parents.
A self belief of being faulty and not good enough started here.
I lived my life with a self esteem that scraped the floor. There was no guidance to help me navigate life, no reassurance that I was loved or instruction on how to deal successfully with my emotional state.
I’m sure I was loved. Like most people, my parents behaved in ways that they were taught to behave, without realising that there would be consequences to that.
They did a good job in lots of ways , I was washed, fed, housed and physically looked after well. Isn’t it true that until you’re an adult yourself,and possibly a parent, that you understand the stresses and strains and difficulties that they no doubt faced while trying to be the best parent that they could be.
They were very moral people, concerned about what others thought and that we all behaved in a correct manner. (My dad was a policeman). This bought into my whole perfectionism thing (their pattern not mine). Nothing I ever did felt good enough.. I didn’t feel good enough.
This created many painful issues in my life. Shame was one, a deep sense of failure. Making mistakes was not allowed.
This left me feeling very fearful of life, I had no self confidence at all leading me to a series of chaotic and distressing relationships. Aren’t relationships a great teacher 😩😀.
My thoughts were continuously negative and I overanalysed everything… my head was constantly thinking, searching, trying to work things out in an effort to resolve all of the painful feelings I had. I worried about what other people thought and avoided social events. It was only later that I added an understanding of the Empath stuff that was always playing out and affecting me on top of all this.
I couldn’t make decisions without worrying I would get it wrong. I had to plan things in advance because of a generalised anxiety that something would go wrong. I was in a mess.
This led to many years of depression, that dark hell hole of a place that no one was throwing me a rope to get me out of.
As I write this I feel the heaviness of those times and it gives me a timely reminder of how bad this all makes you feel. Another boost into remembering why I do what I do. Why I am so passionate about helping other Empaths so they are not suffering any longer. Life becomes one long painful drag of getting through each day.
So we add on the Empath energy disturbance, feeling every little thing and crying over just about everything .. sigh! Realising I wasn’t just dealing with my own stuff, I was feeling everybody else’s too. My energy field was open, I didn’t know there was such a thing as a boundary.
I played the people fixing game for a long time in an attempt to escape the distress, I looked to others as a source of healing or fulfilment, surely other people could make me feel better 😳. I believed that for a very long time.
I held onto my pain like a trophy, I didn’t even know I could release it. I just thought it was there to stay forever.
Lovely empaths, all that I have described to you so far is a memory for me now and does not play out in my life any longer. I rarely think about the past, it’s strange for me to be writing about it now. All of the stuff that happened, the pain and the trauma does not dent me emotionally anymore. I did that elusive “letting it go” thing.
My path to healing was complicated although I now understand that it doesn’t have to be. I just didn’t find anyone who could have taught me how.
Nowadays, being an empowered Empath means space, in my mind and emotionally. There is balance, clarity of thought and more energy to do what I want to do rather than the incessant trying to resolve myself.
I can keep my energetic space clear, I don’t take on board other people’s energy, emotion or stuff. Yet still, I am totally committed to helping and support you to resolve the things you suffer from. I still care. This means there is actually a clear space to help rather than being overly contaminated by things that aren’t mine.
I have control over my own thinking. The thoughts don’t stop, you can learn to choose what you allow to stay. This in itself is one of my favourite learnings and has had the biggest positive impact on my life. This and understanding that I don’t need to know everything. This is such a relief to just let things be as they are.
Life does not become perfect, you develop your power of choice over how you are going to feel in any moment, you take control of your mindset. This is true empowerment.
I’m free to be me now, I don’t apologise for myself or get caught up in negative internal dialogue. I don’t question what I say or worry about what other people might think. I’ve learnt to express myself in a way that I am understood, I am heard, respected and loved. I realised that I matter too. That I deserved to be free of the incessant pain.
I have confidence in myself, I trust my decisions and I’m not afraid to get it wrong. I’ve learnt to be ok with people and things just being as they are. I no longer take things personally. I still have my moments and the old patterns can creep in sometimes but that’s ok too. I have choice.
How did I do it? Well, years and years of training as a therapist, you have to go through your own therapy to do this. Then years of energetic training, reiki, chakra rebalancing, tai chi and meditation. This brought together the life long learning I’ve had of spiritual understandings.
My own transformation led me to understand what works and what doesn’t, but you don’t have to do all this. I want to be that option for you that I didn’t have, a one stop shop, someone with a whole tool box of psychological, energy, emotional and spiritual skills.
Always with compassion, non judgement, understanding and love 💖