There’s a number of reasons why you just can’t let it go and today I’ll run you through what’s keeping you stuck. Even when you want to move on from something and you tell yourself to let it go, it just won’t happen.
One of my pet peeves are the instructions you see on social media that say things like ‘put the past behind you’ or ‘live for today’ or ‘ the past is gone, move forward ‘ when this just won’t happen if the trauma is stored in your mind and body. All this does is make you feel frustrated that you should be doing something, yet you can’t.
This is not to say that these statements are incorrect or that you can’t move forward, you absolutely can but you will need assistance to do this.
I define trauma as anything that you have had a significant emotional response to. So it can actually include what you would consider smaller life events, as well as the bigger stuff. If there has been an emotional response that is stuck, then it’s a trauma.
Your brain stores memories in a particular way. Something that happened yesterday that was neutral and had no effect on you will be stored in one way, such as you going to work, a conversation you had with someone or any past event. It’s coded by your brain as a ‘done and dusted’ memory. It’s placed into your past as nothing to worry about.
Things that physically, emotionally or psychologically effect you are stored in a different way. You can imagine these things as being placed on a higher alert, things to remember for the future so that you can protect yourself. These are not ‘done and dusted’ and put in the past. They’re kept in the ‘not happening at the moment but they could be’ file.
So you could think of trauma as being a current problem rather than a past one.
It’s possible to re code events so that they are put into the past box where they belong, whilst still keeping the learning. This means that you take any positives from what you learnt so that you can use them in the future. It’s about helping you to stay and feel safe whilst not being triggered by the fears of the traumas.
Relationships can hold subtle triggers of past pain (or maybe not so subtle), where you feel mistrustful, fearful, jealous etc. This is where your emotional response to a current situation is very much based on what happened to you in the past.
This is such a common problem for people. You are not alone.
It’s just the way the mind and the brain does things, it’s extremely clever and its intention is to keep you safe. What’s also clever is the ability to start to recode the memories, to shift the fearful patterns so that events are put in the past and you don’t feel the emotional effect of them in the present.
I’ve just realised that the suggestion of re-coding your brain might sound like an operation of sorts 😳, something a bit scary, it’s absolutely not, it happens through talking when you’re with someone who can do it, such as myself.
Understanding the mind and how a problem is created allows the un-creation of that problem .. and this is why I LOVE my job 😀.
There’s a blog you might like to have a little read of which is all about how to calm anxiety, pop over to this by clicking the link below.