Hello lovely Empath,
I’ve been a fruit loop (crazy person) in relationships and not at all concerned to let you know that. Having accepted my humanness and all its weirdness, this is ok.
Have you been a fruit loop? Are you being one now? Acting out of character, extreme anger, devastating hurt and upset? Occasional screaming, losing it, raging? That’s ok too.
Welcome fellow fruit looper 😂
This is what happens when you are in pain. Close relationships are always going to bring out your stuff. The stuff from your past that needs releasing and healing. It’s like a classroom to let you know about your limiting beliefs and distorted thinking about yourself. The lies you tell yourself regularly but you don’t realise this is what you’re doing.
I don’t know about you but I was a bit slow on the uptake with this lesson. I was at school but missing the point totally.
This is ok, the universe seems to be endlessly patient. It also has an endless supply of different people to create the same lesson over and over again.
Yes, the faces changed, often, but the problems remained exactly the same.
Still I didn’t get it, my mind took me down a route of how unfortunate I was to keep meeting emotionally unavailable men. This made sense when I considered my upbringing and this was exactly the issue I had with my Dad. It was logical to me that I were experiencing my past in order to heal it.
This is where I got stuck. The blame was with my Dad and it was with the men that I had been in relationships with or was in a relationship with.
I believed that I needed to resolve the pain “caused by my upbringing.” (This was the problem “lie” my mind was regurgitating.)
Stucksville big time!
This is where your mind keeps you repeating the same problems over and over, it’s so hard to see anything any differently. You see it as you see it, there won’t even be a question about it. It’s just the way it is.
Relationships to me were painful, the men were dickheads, emotionally dead and difficult. They were unsupportive, emotionally cruel and on occasion physically violent. I ended up believing I just couldn’t do relationships to the point that I decided I wouldn’t have another one ever again.
(With hindsight, these people were good people with pain energy, not an excuse just a fact.)
Enter stage left …… Steve, my now husband.
Imagine the kindest, most thoughtful and helpful man ever. Considerate, attentive, loving, helpful …… ahhhhh I can’t blame this man can I? When I feel the same pain come up, the same old responses… he wasn’t doing anything wrong at all.
Hmmmm ……. clever universal curve ball being sent my way.
Just to be clear, no person is perfect and every single person holds pain energy that will rear its head….. this is a monster that you won’t want to see, in them or in yourself. You have it, your partner has it, everyone has it. That’s for another day and another blog (although there is a live masterclass about this on Wednesday 20th November.. not to be missed, keep an eye on the Facebook page where you can bag yourself a place.)
Back to it and Steve entered my life. There’s now only one place left to look for resolution of this chaotic and destructive turmoil and that’s me. I needed to look at why I was so angry, at times so low and full of pain. That pain was not “caused” by my Dad, it was caused through my perception of my Dad , believing he didn’t care, believing I was unloveable, believing I wasn’t enough.
It was time to look at this self definition and change it!
Time to stop blaming everyone else. This is a hard place to get to, we don’t want to consider that we may be doing something from our darker side of ourselves. We don’t really want to consider that our own pain is causing us to act in ways we don’t like. It does take a huge strength to move through the resistance to looking at ourselves.
Best thing I ever did. It’s only the mind resistance that’s hard. Doing this frees you.
I was acting like an emotional fruit loop. At times, crazy and unreasonable because my thinking was distorted, seeing the world through a negative filter. A dark cloud of pain caused me to react and respond in a way that wasn’t necessary, my perception of life, of people just wasn’t true. I was a nightmare 🤷♀️😇 … in the words of a lovely Empath from our tribe who calls me “A tilted halo brain scrambler” 😂
This response, through pain, certainly triggered off the pain in Steve, where we both acted from a childlike place (pain energy … masterclass 😉)
I feel quite emotional to revisit this now. Living in this way is intensely painful, difficult and frustrating. Life is a constant struggle.
I so don’t want this for you anymore.
Pain energy problems is just one aspect of the difficulties of relationships. Through my training, as I understood the complexities of how we communicate, I was actually amazed that anyone got on at all.
I’ve worked my way through communication disaster, acceptance, forgiveness, releasing the past hurt and shifting my mindset on a monumental scale. It’s not actually that hard to do with the right guidance folks.
You and your partner are so different internally in the way that you think, the way that you feel, the things that are important to you and in your conditioning. This is the way you expect relationships to be and how to behave.
We seek “sameness” from our partners yet this is impossible. Learning to embrace the difference by understanding it is amazing. I’d highly recommend it. Trying to make them a project to get them to act in a way that you want them to act is a fruitless task, immensely frustrating for him and for you. You don’t need to do this to create a loving and amazingly peaceful connection.
I’ve done it and you can too.
Do you want to understand yourself more and your partner? Do you want to supercharge your relationship? How about making it bigger, brighter and better to recreate that loving connection? Well you can in 21 Days 😮 .. I know! Only 21 days. And it’s available to you at a really low price (be quick though it won’t stay at this price for long). It has such value in terms of the difference it will make to you, to him and to your home life.
I don’t want for you to go through what I did for so many years, pop on over and get on board here, you can start straight away. Yaaaaaay